Milestone

I received a forwarded e-mail from a family member yesterday titled "9/11 Flag Flying". It was one of those mass e-mail messages that come around every so often, urging a national movement. This one was to encourage every household and individual to fly an American flag on the 5th anniversary of 9/11.

I've thought about the 9/11 tragedy often in the past years, and I'll certainly think about and commemorate it in my own way next Monday, the anniversary. But all that I could think when I read this message was--was that really 5 years ago? How could that be? How in the world could 5 years have passed so quickly?

On Sept. 11, 2001, when I heard about what had happened, I was sitting at my desk at the Highlights for Children editorial office in Honesdale, Pennsylvania. We were just a few hours from NYC, and some of the folks I worked with had family members in the city. I remember that one friend in particular was in pieces worrying about her sister, who worked (if I remember correctly) not far from the World Trade Center. (Her sister was just fine.)

At that time, I was in a one-year internship with Highlights and working toward grad school. I wanted to write, perhaps to teach, and I was consumed with the idea of getting into an MFA program and making that dream a reality. I spent evenings and some entire weekends writing. I had only been in Honesdale about 4 months, and I wasn't very concerned with being social or productive in any way except in writing. I saw the year as a pause in life that would give me time to write.

That fall, I applied to 4 graduate programs. By early February, I had received my form rejection letters from each. (In retrospect, applying at schools like Iowa and U of Michigan may have been shooting a bit high, but you know what they say about hindsight.)

And then life began to pick up. Work, boyfriend. That spring, I was offered another year at Highlights, which I accepted. I began to settle into Honesdale, to build a life that was more than temporary. My sanctuary, my "pause", was over. I filled my time with this new life, and I said I would write more later on. I just needed to get over the blow of grad school rejection. I just needed to wait until the big event at work was complete. I just needed to wait until after Christmas. I just needed to wait until ... Soon my time ended at Highlights, and I moved to Philadelphia, then back to Honesdale, then to Cincinnati. Filling and filling my life with a hundred small things, distractions. Filling it, too, with large and important things, but also all of those little unnecessaries.

When I sat behind my desk at Highlights 5 years ago and thought about the future, there's no way that I thought I'd be where I am now. It's so easy to dream big dreams, but there's no way to work toward those goals without the sweat and grind of everyday, without carving into your schedule (with a large butcher knife, if needed) time.

During the past year, I've been edging closer to the creative life I want to lead. (And I thank this blogging community for helping me to stay on track.) I hope I can continue to expand. Five years from now, I don't want to wonder--where in the world did the last 10 years go?